A stolen email sent between teammates before yesterday's Mets-Pirates game...
I know my slump has robbed the team of runs, especially during your starts, so I decided to stop fucking around. I will get you four hits tonight (I picked four because that will get my average back over .300, where it's supposed to be) and make sure that the X-Man hits another home run to put the game out out of reach.
We haven't been very run supportive while you've been the second ace of the staff. Enough of that bullshit, we're going pummel these guys.
Oh, and if I make an error tonight, I fully expect you'll be able to recover because, well, you're fucking great.
Your third baseman,
PS: Have you read my blog? It's fucking awesome.
PPS: I think I will personally hit the shit out of every Atlanta pitcher I see this weekend, just because I can.