Monday, July 30, 2007

Crazy Keith's Corner: I'll Skip Milwaukee

So why won't Keith Hernandez get the chance to broadcast Tom Glavine's first shot at 300? Well, the city cursed him last year, as he pointed out yesterday:

Gary: You're welcome to come with us.
Keith: No, I got pneumonia there last year.
Gary: Oh, that's right. Eddie Coleman had to fill in for you. That city's no good for you.

What was good was the gift Gary's wife gave to Keith--a mannequin head with holes in it to put Tootsie Pops. I wish I had a screen grab of that big noggin of candy, it's truly worth seeing.

I'd be remiss if I did not point out Neil Best's great piece on Keith in Newsday. Glad to see we're not the only ones paying attention.

Luis Castillo? It looks like a good deal for the Mets, but I'd hate to see Ruben Gotay's growth stunted by a rental.

As for Tom Glavine, he should have been going for win 300 last season, but the crappy Mets teams of 4-5 years ago really cost him a chunk of wins. And while he'll go into the Hall of Fame as a Brave, I must admit I have come to accept him as one of our own. Good luck tomorrow Tom.

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Crazy Keith's Corner: I Want You to Talk Crazy

Looking over my notes for the past 14 innings of baseball, I can't even imagine what Keith and Gary will say at tonight's game after working three of them in 24 hours.

--Keith loves Merengue Night
Keith: The best part of it is that after the post game there's no traffic jam.
Gary: You sound like you don't like Merengue Night.
Keith: Mets fans will enjoy it I'm sure.
Gary: (Sighs) Me, me , me ,me.

--Keith could fix the Florida Marlins troubled pitcher Scott Olsen
Keith: He needs a couch he can lay down on.
Gary: Would you be in the big fluffy chair on the end?
Keith: I got a guy for him.

--Keith and Gary like their classic rock...but get some details wrong
(Paul LoDuca comes to the plate)
Keith: "Smoke on the Water" again.
Gary: That's not a Dominican song.
Keith: No, but it was written about a fire in Tokyo. (Actually, it was about a fire in Montreux, Switzerland)
Gary: Was it at Budokan?
Keith: I don't know.
Gary: At Budokan was a great Cheap Trick record. But it was a little later than Deep Purple. (Pauses a few seconds) You know, I want you to want me?
Keith: I like that song
Gary: "Surrender?"
Keith: No, I don't know that one.

--If its a doubleheader, Keith must be eating
Gary: What are you eating?
Keith: My ice cream. It helps my pipes.
Gary: Well, it clogged your pipes because I couldn't understand what you were saying.
Keith: It must have been the chocolate syrup.

Oh, I can't wait to get my travel mug tonight.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

The Things I Miss...

...when I only listen to the FAN while doing laundry. My co-worker Lee just told this story about last night's game:

Paul LoDuca comes to bat to the sounds of Deep Purple's "Smoke on the Water." Keith says, "Whoa, he's got some new music--'Smoke on the Water.'" Gary chimes in with, "Yes, Deep Purple." Then Keith replies, "I gotta say, that's good, but the live version is much better."

Next up, the Hernandez review of Frampton Comes Alive.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

The Sounds of an Off Day

So Keith is going to be back for the Pirates and Nationals series, but I'll only be able to blog three of the games because of more summer fun--tonight I've got to run some errands in the hood, so I'll be listening to the FAN; Wednesday my old college roommate is in town so he and I and our other roommate are getting together to reminisce; Friday its THE SIMPSONS MOVIE, WOO-HOO; and I'm going to Travel Mug Night on Saturday.

Its amazing how much more fun stuff I have discovered this year to do in the summer than watching baseball. I guess an underachieving team will do that to you. Last night I did get to enjoy the Extra Innings package (which is in full glory again after my cable was replaced) and hear the Red Sox team of Don Orsillo and Jerry Remy laugh about how certain parking security folks in Seattle and Cleveland hate the Rem-Dog. (These two are my second favorite announcing team because they never take themselves seriously.) I also watched about 5 innings of the Braves-Giants game to see if Barry Bonds would hit another splashdown. Alas, he didn't, but I was surprised to hear how good a team Duane Kuiper and Mike Krukow are in the booth. I never thought of them as homers, Krukow's analysis was spot on for both teams and they also had a blast poking fun at F.P. Santangelo, who was out in right field hoping to catch a ball from Bonds. The Bay Area could do a lot worse than these guys.

Oh, and Ken Harrelson is still an idiot.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Haiku: Death Wish II

Glavine, bad, Lowe, worse
Hotel rats and photostats
Need three out of four

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Non-Crazy Ricky's Corner

Who cares what happens during tonight's game (its 1-0 in the top of the 5th, but I assume they won't score again) as we heard from new first base coach Ricky Henderson during the third inning. When Gary Cohen made the announcement as they went to break, I grabbed my VCR remote and pressed record, assuming we'd hear some great third person chat from Ricky.

(Oops, I was wrong. Orlando "The Hitting and Stealing Machine" Hernandez just scored on a hit by Jose Valentin.)

So Gary and Ron Darling talk to Ricky...and he doesn't slip into the third person once. It ends up being a rather standard dugout interview. I was so disappointed. Thankfully, Ron saved the moment.

(Holy crap, Valentin just scored on a Carlos Beltran double. What's going on here?)

Ron mentioned he played with Ricky in Oakland and explains that Ricky liked talking in the third person. He then added that before one series Ricky told him, "D, Ricky's gonna have a good series."

Now that's more like it.

Crazy Keith's Corner: Why Should Anyone Pay Attention?

"I wasn't watching...I was just looking at the crowd. Sometimes I drift." --Keith during Sunday's game

We've come expect this from Keith over the years, but its not what we expected from this Mets team. Since the calendar changed over to summer (let's say Memorial Day for our purposes) this team has played as if the division title was already theirs and all the little things don't matter. Last night Gary and Ron said basically the same thing, pointing out tiny mistake after tiny mistake that this team made on the field and at the plate that added up to another loss. I can't believe I'm going to write this, but I am rooting for the Mets to fall out of first on this trip out west. Maybe that will wake them up and restore some sense of pride or something.

And here's chilling thought--what if 2006 was as good as it gets for this group?

And what if April and May were the anomaly for this team, and June and July is actually what they're supposed to be--a team that has no passion, doesn't pay attention to the small details and doesn't mind laughing and celebrating with elaborate dances when they haven't won a damn thing? (Shudder.)

In a way, I don't even feel guilty that I haven't been able to watch as much as I did at the beginning of the season because this summer has been packed with other great stuff. If the players on this team (and there are no exceptions) don't seem to care about the season, why should I? I don't feel that bad missing all of the Reds series (well except the Ralph Kiner tribute, which I did tape and plan on watching soon), even if Keith was in rare form like he was on Sunday. And since I have plans during every game of the Dodgers series, it won't bother me if Keith suddenly joins Gary and Ron in Los Angeles and I miss it.

On the plus side, hearing Gary do his Lerch imitation on Sunday ("you rang") during the absolutely bizarre chat about The Addams Family was pretty sweet. I wish I could say that much about this team of underachievers.

Friday, July 13, 2007

Haiku: Mean Business

Legends pass in night
Julio and Henderson
Rick Down, go in peace

Thursday, July 12, 2007

The Bloggers Prayers have Been Answered

If you've read any of the blogs we have listed on the right over the past two months, you know we in the Mets blogging world have agreed on one thought:

Julio Franco must go.

And now, Newsday says it's true.

Okay Lastings, time to prove the doubters wrong.

In Honor of the Mets New Coach...

...(hitting or first base, whatever it is), I encourage you to reread one of my favorite bits of humor, from Zisk # 7.

The Comedy of Baseball by Steve Reynolds

In the opinion of this writer, and the whole Zisk editorial team, David Cross’s 2002 Shut Up, You Fucking Baby! (Sub Pop) is one of the best comedy albums of the past decade. It’s a tour de force of observations about politics, rednecks and people who talk in the third person. Now Zisk presents a transcription of Cross’s take on the champ of talking in the third person—Rickey Henderson.

“But there’s one guy who’s the fucking king, who’s the worst. Yes, you got it, it’s Rickey Henderson. If you’ve ever seen Rickey Henderson interviewed, it’s the best. It’s sweet, it’s sweet glorious music. It’s like he’s communicating secretly to like an intergalactic leader from another space federation. Every time he says Rickey Henderson he’s giving coordinates to the planet, or whatever.”

[Posing as a reporter] “Hey Rickey, I noticed you taped your bat up a little higher than normal—what’s that about?”

[As Rickey] “Well, you know, Rickey Henderson has to do what’s best for Rickey Henderson, you know. I mean, if Rickey Henderson feels that Rickey Henderson needs to tape his bat up higher, to be the best Rickey Henderson that Rickey Henderson can be, then Rickey Henderson is going to tape his bat higher in way that Rickey Henderson can perceive, as Rickey Henderson can, to be the best Rickey Henderson that Rickey Henderson can or will or want to be as Rickey Henderson qualifying in a Rickey Henderson-esque type of way to be a Rickey Henderson for which all Rickey Hendersons around us, being one Rickey Henderson to speak through Rickey Henderson as vessel to reach all Rickey Hendersons out there in the world in a qualitative Rickey Henderson-esque magnanimous display of Rickey Henderson-tude and quality that you can find only in Rickey Henderson as Rickey Henderson as want to do for Rickey Henderson being Ricky Henderson as Rickey Henderson.”

“You come in here, ‘Rickey, how come you taping you bat,’ you know, Ricky Henderson is going to answer you in a way that Rickey Henderson can to be—in fact, that reminds me, I got to give that motherfucker phone call, you know. Uh-huh, that’s right.”
[Phone rings a few times, machine picks up]

[Message] “Hi, this is Rickey Henderson. Rickey Henderson is not available right now, but if you leave your name and number, Rickey Henderson will get back to you when it is best for Rickey Henderson to do so [beep].”

[As Rickey] “Rickey Henderson pick up”“Pick up the phone Rickey.”“Rickey Henderson, pick up the phone.”“Pick up the phone Rickey!”“Rickey, pick up the phone!!!”“It’s me—you! God damn, that motherfucker’s never there!”

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

# 14 Is in the House...I Mean Site

If you look to the right, you can see that Zisk Issue #14 is now fully archived online, Look for #15 in time for the League Championship Series.

Haiku: The Firm (All-Star Game Edition)

Ichiro, inside
Maine, satisfaction denied
Junior outshines Bonds

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

All Star Rants

1) Tim McCarver is a moron.
Um, you never heard the term busker? WTF? Also, Miguel Cabrera is NOT a free agent until 2009. Ignorant Fucko.

2) Postseason ads already?
Hey, how about we get through August before thinking about it.

3) DANE FUCKING COOK in said postseason ads?
Does anyone think he's funny? Anyone?

Help me jeebus, MLB really tries to drive me away every year. At least the nachos and hot dogs were tasty. And Cablevision is coming Friday a.m. to fix what is wrong--and give me a new remote.

Haiku: Coda

One spot, nine losses
Mike, seven; Jason/Dave, two
Wearing and tearing

Friday, July 06, 2007

Haiku: In Through the Out Door

Elders, neophyte
Stumble on cold mountain pass

(Note: Based on the Rockies series.)

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Crazy Keith's Corner: Die Hard and Like It

Last night got so far out of hand that Gary and Keith resorted to talking about movies, and the title of this post is what they came up with for the latest Bruce Willis flick. I wish I had taken notes when I finally got around to watching this game in the 6th inning, but I was too tired. Keith's sighs at the end of this blowout were amazing.

I can't believe that this is the last game I'll see until a few days after the All-Star Break because of work. And Mike won't be adding anything as well, since the band is getting back together for a couple of shows. We'll get back to regular posting on the 14th.

Monday, July 02, 2007

Crazy Keith's Corner: Gleep Glork, Green Block

So I should be happy that my cable box crapped out totally tonight? That way I didn't have to watch Tom Glavine pitch like he's at Coors Field.

Oh, wait...

Well, the Cablevision dude told me my box was updating with new software, so I'm suppose to leave it alone for an hour. I hope that's what it's actually doing, not just sucking my money out the window. Its not like I want to wait for a Cablevision guy to show up to fix everything. I can't imagine a bigger test of my patience.

In between the green blocks and audio dropouts, I did hear Gary Cohen tell Keith Hernandez something about the ACLU. I wonder what that was about?

UPDATE: Nope, its not the software. SNY still comes in horribly. Sigh. Guess I'll have to call Cablevision Wednesday or Friday and make an appointment for next week. It doesn't bother me that much, as the rest of my week is so busy that Friday night's game is most likely the only other one I get to see until the All-Star break. But still, it really sucks having to deal with cable folks. I am surprised that the Internet is still working this well.

Crazy Keith's Corner: Was It Something in the Cheesesteaks?

The just past four game series in Philly (three of which were on SNY) brought out a lot of silliness in Keith, Ron and Gary (and sometimes Kevin). I couldn't hear the two Friday games, but seeing the Philly Phanatic throwing popcorn on Keith's head might have been the funniest image of the entire season.

I did get to sit and enjoy all of Sunday's game, which produced so many amazing tangents, such as Keith's Bermuda shorts collection, the "tin-cup strike zone," Gary's penchant for obscure facts that impress, amuse and disturb Keith and the napping habits of this crew. It was truly hard to keep up with it all, but here are my three favorites from Sunday.

1) Those sponsored billboards can get boring:
(Keith speaks after reading the same Lexus Mets defense as the previous two games)
Keith: I feel like a broken record
Gary: You mean a scratched CD.
Keith: Right. I guess the same defensive lineup is a sign of a good team, but I'm tired of reading the same thing. Can't we get rid of it?
Gary: You don't want to show the defense, you're gonna have to give back that Lexus.
Keith: Oh, I forgot about that.

2) Keith doesn't know all his diseases
(After a shot of Mike Pelfrey rolling the mouthguard around in his mouth, Gary decided an explanation was in order.)
Gary: He's got the mouthpiece for his TMJ.
Keith: What's that?
Gary: Well, it's a jaw problem.
Keith: You're sure? I thought it was a banned substance.

3) Keith wants everyone to get an education
(The SNY cameras caught Willie Randolph and Jose Reyes having a very lengthy discussion in between innings, and all three of them were trying to figure out what it was about)
Keith: Kevin's close. We should send Kevin to lip-reading school in the offseason.
Kevin: I'm gonna take French too, just in case the Mets sign someone else.

By the way, I did watch parts of Saturday's game, and I realized Tim McCarver is just senile and makes no sense nowadays. It's sad actually.