Thursday, April 19, 2007

Crazy Keith's Corner: I'm...Well, You Know...

Another blowout, another weird collection of thoughts from our hero...

--Keith's moustache 1, Borat's moustache 0
(Gary notices that Borat has been wiped away from the background on the Marlins scoreboard)
Gary: "You think somebody somewhere said something?"
Keith: "Maybe."
Gary: "Was it you?"
Keith: "No."
Gary: "But, you know, you're Keith Hernandez."
Keith: "No..."

(A minute later, third base umpire Bill Drake said someone at the plate didn't check their swing)

Keith: "He doesn't like that call."
Gary: "Hate the drake"

--Medical terms aren't as simple as they used to be
Gary: "Here's Aaron Boone. He replaced Miguel Cabrera. He was removed earlier with what's being called [Gary chuckles] a 'tight right torso.'"
Keith: "That's pretty...vague."
Gary: "I've never heard that term before."
(Both laugh)

--Keith likes the comic page in the Daily News
(Gary points out a guy wearing a bizarre mask in the crowd)
Keith: "He looks like Beetle Bailey. (pause) I'm not being contemporary with this am I? Well, what I remember in the paper was Blondie on top of the paper and on the bottom was Beetle Bailey."

--Keith doesn't like Randy Newman
Keith: "I'm six feet tall--and these days everyone's taller than me. I don't like that."

--Pressure? What pressure? Tangent? What tangent?
Keith: "There's no pressure in this job; I don't have to be on the field. If I get ripped in the paper in a review for what I say, it's not like I went 0 for 4 and left 15 men on base."
Gary: "I've been reading the reviews."
Keith: "What reviews? We're under the radar here."
Gary: "Well, they're all good."
Keith: "Well, thank you."
Gary: "See, that's how you can chew on that lollipop and why you're so footloose and fancy free..."
(A couple of seconds go by)
Keith: "To get back to the game...we kind of went on a tangent there..."

Kind of?

Weekend Preview: For the first time since Mike and I finally wrestled Zisk online two plus years ago, we're both unable to blog about the Mets. Mike is wrapping up his spring tour and won't be home till Sunday. I'm out marking my best friend's birthday Friday and Saturday and Sunday I'll be upstate visiting my family. It looks like Friday night's game will fall through the cracks, but I plan on taping Saturday and Sunday's games and boiling down the highlights into a neat package Sunday night.

First place feels good, doesn't it?

1 comment:

Theresa said...

It IS the contrast! I wonder if people who don't remember Keith as a player would find all this as amusing as I do, and as you obviously do.

I remember when he always looked, well, menacing. He looked like he was chewing gravel all the time. He looked like he was going to beat the crap out of somebody. He used to go down into the runway and smoke like a fiend.

Now he sounds like he's spent the past five years smoking Acapulco Gold.

Hey-- maybe that's what the Tootsie thing is about. No, not the munchies-- it's cigarette substitute. Except that would make a kind of sense. ;)